#1
Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing?
Lester Burnham: Nothing.
Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating!
Lester Burnham: I was not.
Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were!
Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!
#2
Colonel Frank Fitts: Where's your wife?
Lester Burnham: Uh, I dunno. Probably out fucking that dorky, prince-of-real-estate asshole. And you know what? I don't care.
Colonel Frank Fitts: Your wife is with another man and you don't care?
Lester Burnham: Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but.
#3
Lester Burnham: Well what makes you so sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come?
Carolyn Burnham: Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. But she's been practicing her steps for weeks.
Lester Burnham: Well, I'll bet money she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on TNT.
Carolyn Burnham: Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane.
Lester Burnham: "Growing?" She hates me.
Carolyn Burnham: She's just willful.
Lester Burnham: She hates you too.
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